by Ryobi and Yomi
A better theme park, built for booty lovers, by booty lovers!
(Rated M for Mature by ESRB: Strong Language, Violence, Sexual Themes, Partial Nudity.)
$8008135pledged of the $100,000,000 goal
This project ends in...
We're one badass bitch and one humble young lady who thought we had nothing in common — until we found our mission to spread the call of booty.
Update #4 – 4/15/2016
Well, it’s been an emotional week for all of us, but we want to thank all our supporters, and we hope to see the park through one day, one way or another. Until then, please enjoy the rewards, and don’t forget to eat your bean sprouts!-Yomi
Update #3 – 4/14/2016
Are you fucking kidding me? Not even $10 million? You people all HAVE asses, right? You want some recognition for that, or what? Fine, you know? Just keep the rewards. I don’t even give a shit. -Ryobi
Update #2 – 4/4/2016
Yomi here! Just wanted to let everyone know that we’ve finished writing out the lyrics to the Booty Land song. We don’t have a band yet, but here’s how it goes…
(Just imagine a big, brassy jazz band led by some deep-voiced guy named Zootie…)
When those jumpy jugs are swingin’ to and fro,
Where’s a little lady friend supposed to go?
What’s the poppin’ party where they understand?
(Backup girls: Booty Land! Booty Land!)
Booty-booty-booty! Ain’t that nice?
Booty-booty-booty! Great with rice!
Booty-booty-booty! Break that ice!
Booty-booty-booty! Say it twice!
Booty-booty-booty! Big and round!
Booty-booty-booty! Paint the town!
Booty-booty-booty! Pound for pound!
Booty-booty-booty! Sit right down!
If your butt is bulbous, then you’ve found your scene!
Take your tuckus trippin’ on a trampoline!
Park your big bahonkas in a bumper car!
Celebrate your awesome ass and be a star!
Used to sit and sulk because my chest was flat!
Till I found a friend who told me where I sat
Held the pure potential to be somethin’ grand!
(Backup Girls: Booty laaaaaaaaaand!)
(Band goes crazy)
Now all we need is a recording studio, a jazz band, and Zootie. Hmm, but the money doesn’t kick in until we meet our funding goal… Maybe we can pay them in bean sprouts and tailoring?-Yomi
Update #1 – 4/4/2016
All right, just $95 million more to go! Come on, bitches! Pay up! -Ryobi
Are you like us? Does your smooth, bulbous butt not get the love it deserves? Are you sick of all those overinflated airheads waving their big, floaty balloons in everybody’s face while your butt goes completely ignored?
Well, you’re in luck. There’s a bright future ahead for all derriere devotees.
Booty Land will be the first amusement park dedicated entirely to the celebration and appreciation of all things butt-ly. Check out these early concept sketches Yomi and I put together:
All we need is about $100,000,000 to buy some land, hire some people, build a few rides, make a few commercials and bring in that sweet, sweet caboose cash. How hard could it be, right?
who are we?
I was lost once. Everywhere I went, I’d see all these other girls walking around with these five-gallon jugs, and all I’ve got are these two little thimbles. But then I realized that’s not what’s important. It’s what’s underneath, as in “underneath your waistline.”
See, I’ve got the best backside this side of a hip hop convention, and when I realized Yomi was a very close second, I roped her into helping me out here. Together, we two hometown favorites are out to prove that when you get right down to it, you can’t outclass the ass.
We want to see Booty Land grow to be bigger and more curvy. We’re still working out the details, but we want to draw up a whole map of the place, add some restaurants (including Booty Burger, complete with Curvy Fries and Shimmy Shakes — and bean sprouts, because Yomi), and record the official Booty Land theme song with the Booty Land Booty Band. We’re still putting the band together, but we’ve got the hook for the song written out so far. “Booty-booty-booty, ain’t that nice! Booty-booty-booty, great with rice!” Work in progress. Stay tuned.
risks & challenges
Well, neither of us have any real experience running a theme park, or buying land, or building things, or maintaining potentially dangerous equipment, or managing a staff. In fact, we’re both still in school. (Well, I am. Yomi's kind of a dropout. Not her fault. Her school burned down. Which was also not her fault, exactly.) It’s a trade school, sort of, and not the kind that really focuses on business or craftsmanship, really more about stealth and honor and victory at any cost.
But I’m really good with a rifle, in case there are any unruly crowds, and Yomi can sew, so we’ve got the uniforms all taken care of. Everything else, we can learn on the job, especially once we hit our target funding goal. Seriously, once we hit that, we’re never going to have to work again. Except on the park. Which is totally a real thing that we’re seriously going to…
Okay, if you really want to get technical about it, this isn’t a real crowdfunding site. We’re just, you know, putting the idea out there and seeing if anyone wants to pay us for it. For the idea, I mean. And for the privilege of doing the grunt work. But hey, if you want to throw money at us, we’re not going to stop you, and Yomi somehow managed to pull together some actual rewards for it.
So go! Give us money! Reap the rewards! And witness the dawn of the Age of Booty!